Ever heard of the CFA
http://www.cfa.org/
Here is a story from the site
CAT ISLAND
The Beginning
A story by Helen Nyman
Illustrations by Emma Pennisi
Once upon a time there was an island that was inhabited only by cats.
Cats from all over the world that had never had a home or a family to look after them, or had been abandoned, travelled to this island knowing here they would be welcome.
There was a King and a Queen who ruled Cat Island. The King was called Freddy. He was a mixed breed, half Persian, half tabby. He was much loved by all his subjects. King Freddy always seemed to have a smile on his face and his greatest pleasure was playing tricks on other cats.
The Queen was called Suzi and she was very different from King Freddy. Queen Suzi was a pure breed Persian, with a magnificent fluffy tail, which she cleaned continuously. When she wasn’t grooming herself she was either eating delicate little specialities that her cook Tilly prepared for her, or she rolled on her back waiting for the “Royal Belly Rubber” to come and scratch her tummy, until she fell asleep purring so loudly that King Freddy had to put earplugs in so as not to be disturbed!
Page 2 ...
The most popular place on the island was the fish shop, which was owned by a big fat ginger cat called Rusty and his wife Amber, a very friendly ginger and white tabby, who liked nothing better than a good gossip – if anyone wanted to know the latest news on the island, they always went to see Amber.
Rusty and Amber had four kittens – three ginger ones with bright green eyes, and to everyone’s surprise a black one with yellow eyes, who Amber declared to be the spitting image of her Grandfather, and no one ever dared to challenge her!
As there were many kittens on the island there was also a school for them, run by a very intelligent cross-eyed Siamese cat called Tee-Cha. No one is very sure whether she got the job because of her intelligence or because with a name like hers what else could she be?
Apart from the fish shop, there was also The Milk Bar, which was a favourite meeting place to go to in the evenings to socialise with friends and neighbours. As there were no cows on the island the milk came from coconuts and this was a real specialty.
The Milk Bar belonged to Flash, a very slim agile black cat who, before moving to the island, had lived in a country where black cats were considered unlucky and had spent most of his early life running up trees to avoid the bullies who threw stones at him, making him an excellent tree climber! He would climb right to the very top of the trees where the coconuts grew and push them down with such force that they crashed to the ground and split open immediately. Waiting at the bottom of the tree was Flash’s wife Molly who collected the coconut milk into large empty turtle shells that were occasionally washed onto the beach by the waves.
Page 3 ...
In case any of the cats were unwell there was a hospital run by a rather absent-minded cat called Dr Yowl. He was a big white cat with sparkly blue eyes, and was very hard of hearing, which often led him to giving the wrong medicine as he couldn’t really hear what his patients were complaining of, but up to now he’d never really hurt anyone.
As the cats on the island had come from all different countries, each one arrived with their own unique culture. The cats from Italy were very noisy, and all seemed to talk at the same time and waved their paws in the air when they spoke. If you sat too near to them you could often catch the smell of garlic on their breath as they claimed it added that little something to their food, and also helped to keep the fleas away!
There were cats of all breeds from France, Russia, China, England, Kenya, India, Brazil and many other nations and once a year they all dressed up in their national costumes for Cat Pride that was celebrated with a big garden party in the Palace grounds. This year the celebrations were to have an even greater meaning as it was Cat Pride’s 125th anniversary!
King Freddy was very excited at the thought of the annual party that was going to be in two days time. He was planning the list of games they could play. The most popular was “Pinning the Tail on the Lizard” – there were thousands of tiny lizards running around on the island, and a large part of them without tails as cats just love catching lizards and biting their tails off.
King Freddy didn’t consider this cruel as he never killed the lizards and insisted that their tails grew back again anyway, so why not have a bit of fun? He did make one rule though and that was that all tails that had been bitten off must be preserved so that on the day of the big party each of the cats could have a chance to pin the tail on the pretend lizard that was attached to a palm tree and the winner was awarded a free treatment at the islands beauty parlour. Here they could have a full manicure of front and back claws, and their fur would be licked until it shone like silk.
Page 4 ...
>Tilly, the Palace cook, was very busy preparing special dishes to eat at the party. She was a very large cat as she always dipped a paw into what she was cooking to taste it, and was therefore rather chubby especially around her tummy. The dish that Tilly liked cooking most was iced mice. First she made tiny mice out of fish mixed with ground coconut and when they had been cooked she quickly dipped each one into a delicious icing, made from a secret recipe that had been passed on to her from her Great Grandmother. Nobody had been able to get her to tell them the ingredients, but let me tell you those iced mice just melted in your mouth and were the favourite treat at every Cat Pride. In fact, a lot of the cats came just for the pleasure of eating one.
Queen Suzi was trying to decide which of her many collars she would wear for the party, and she finally decided on a pink velvet one with little sea shells attached to it, which she was convinced made her look just like a mermaid.
Six of the French cats were practicing the Can-Can. They were very good at it as they had lived for a long time in an alley behind the Folies Bergères in Paris and had often slipped into the theatre whenever the back door had been left open, and watched the dancers kicking their legs in the air, much to the delight of the audience. They had only decided to leave Paris when the cold of winter had started to make their bones ache a little and the thought of the sun on Cat Island had finally convinced them that it was time to make a move.
Page 5 ...
One of the dancers, called Fifi, was paying special attention to her whiskers, as last year at the party King Freddy had winked at her and told her that she had the prettiest whiskers he had ever seen. She was hoping that maybe this year he would say something nice about her to Queen Suzi and that just maybe the Queen would call her to be one of her ladies in waiting. What she didn’t know was that the Queen always chose unattractive ladies in waiting. In that way, she herself looked more beautiful!
The cat’s chorus was rehearsing the music for the party. There were two Russian cats, one Swiss who was particularly good at yodelling, and five Afro-American cats who brought a tone of gospel to the singing. They were arguing as to who would sing the national anthem to open the festivities, and it was finally decided that Boris, a very handsome cat from Siberia, would have the honour this year as he really did have a superb voice, especially when he’d had a saucer of coconut milk with a drop of vodka added to it.
There were only two police cats on the island as most of the inhabitants were well behaved, but just to keep the occasional trouble maker in order, King Freddy had appointed Sergeant Nelson, a black cat with only one eye - he’d lost the other eye in a nasty fight years ago but didn’t really like to talk about it. Sergeant Nelson’s right hand cat was officer Sam who was an excellent runner, which was a great advantage when he had to chase naughty kittens who liked to steal fish from the fish shop when they thought no one was looking.
It was the day before the party and everyone was very busy doing last minute things and preparing special food dishes to take to Queen Suzi, who made it quite clear that she appreciated any gift that involved food.
Amber was in a real tizzy as she had promised to help the royal cook Tilly with the final preparations for Cat Prides food, but the fish shop was full of busy shoppers and she just remembered that she had an appointment to take her kittens to be vaccinated at the hospital in half an hours time. “Heavens”, she said, “I’ll never be able to do everything on time!” The three little ginger kittens were quietly sleeping in a basket under the counter, but as usual Lucky the black kitten was missing. Amber knew just where to look. You see, Lucky had a passion for climbing trees and he liked nothing better than to run right to the top of the palm tree that grew outside the fish shop. Rusty could never understand where Lucky had inherited his climbing skills from, but Amber said his Grandfather had been a great tree climber, and no one ever dared to question her!
Page 6 ...
At the hospital Dr Yowl was having a short catnap when his nurse Lola woke him to tell him that Amber had arrived with her kittens for their vaccinations. Having not heard what Lola had said he gave a little stretch and instructed her to give them some cod liver oil and tell them to come back in two days time to let him know how they were feeling. And, with that, he went straight back to sleep.
“Never mind”, thought Lola, “I’ll do the vaccinations myself.” In fact, Lola was much gentler when it came to giving injections.
At the Palace King Freddy was having his claws trimmed by his faithful servant Felix. Every now and then he would give a little chuckle to himself, which usually meant that he was planning a trick to play on someone. Queen Suzi was lying on a satin cushion gazing out of the window and trying to remember her speech that she made every year at the opening ceremony of Cat Pride.
In the school house Tee-Cha had the task of choosing the kitten who would present Queen Suzi with a bouquet of lavender at the party the next day. Queen Suzi particularly loved the smell of lavender as she claimed it helped her feel calm and relaxed. Sitting at the back of the classroom was Bertie, who was King Freddy’s nephew and, like his uncle, he also loved playing tricks. Tee-Cha decided that he should give the bouquet to Queen Suzi and it was a decision that she would later regret.
All the cats went to bed early that night as they wanted to be bright, fresh and shiny furred for the party the next day.
At last the day of the party had arrived and the sun shone brightly. The Palace gates had been opened wide and the cats started arriving.
The first through the gates was Yoki, a little cat from Japan, and she was dressed in a beautiful kimono. Yoki was carrying a big plate of sushi that was her gift for Queen Suzi.
Page 7 ...
The array of costumes was spectacular and everyone was in a very good mood owing to the wonderful mouth watering fragrances that were floating in the air from the party food from every corner of the world that Tilly had prepared: Spaghetti with “much-room” sauce (which allowed you to eat as much as you wanted without ever feeling full) from Italy; Rat-atouille from France; Birds nest soup from China; Hot Dogs with kat-chup from America; fish fingers and toes from England; and chocolate coated ants from Southern Africa. And sitting in the place of honour on the grand food table was a huge silver platter piled high with Tilly’s famous iced-mice, which would be handed out at the end of the day when the party was over, and not a minute before.
King Freddy and Queen Suzi were sitting on the royal thrones that had been placed on a small platform in the centre of the flower garden. This was the Queen’s favourite place for entertaining guests as it was a paradise of colours and scents. There were beds of roses of every size and shape, rows of orchids as big as cabbage heads, sunflowers as tall as houses, and blue bells that tinkled in the tropical breeze.
Queen Suzi kept staring at King Freddy - she couldn’t understand why he had his crown tilted right over his left ear. She thought it made him look rather simple minded and told him so. King Freddy just gave one of his mischievous grins and said, “All will be revealed in time my dear, so calm down. It really does nothing for your looks when your fur is all ruffled”, and with that the matter was closed.
Little Bertie, King Freddy’s nephew who had been chosen to present the bouquet of lavender to Queen Suzi, was standing behind one of the rose bushes with Lucky, Amber and Rusty’s black kitten. The two were doubled over with laughter. It was obvious that they were up to no good. Suddenly Amber's voice cried out, “I recognise that laugh and it usually means trouble!” and with lightening speed she pounced behind the rose bush and grabbed Lucky by the scruff of the neck and carried him off in her mouth leaving Bertie just standing there with his mouth wide open.
It’s a pity that Amber had not arrived earlier – the two mischievous kittens had sprinkled a large amount of catnip into the centre of the bouquet of lavender that was going to be presented to Queen Suzi. Instead of filling her with a feeling of tranquillity it would have the opposite effect, because as everyone knows catnip brings out the clown in every cat. That was just what the two naughty kittens were counting on. You see no one had ever seen Queen Suzi lose her legendary self-control, which from the kitten’s point of view was pretty boring.
A loud fanfare of trumpets was sounded and all the guests looked towards the platform where the King and Queen were seated. Climbing up the four steps leading to the platform, in a rather unsteady manner, was Boris, who had been given the honour of singing the national anthem. It was obvious that he had put more than a few drops of vodka in his saucer of coconut milk that morning as before arriving at the microphone he gave an enormous hiccup.
Page 8 ...
There was total silence now, as the cats felt great pride in their national anthem, and everyone was hoping that Boris would not make a mess of things. A quick check to make sure the microphone was working then Boris pulled in his stomach, threw back his shoulders, opened his mouth, and started to sing,
Cat Island, Cat Island
My land and my home
No more will I wander
No more will I roam.
For here we are safe
From dangers and harms
We’ve food in abundance
And beautiful palms
King Freddy and Queen Suzi
Take care of our needs
And so three meows
For all their good deeds
MEOW, MEOW, MEOW!
There was a moment of silence and then Queen Suzi raised herself from the throne and thanked Boris for his beautiful deliverance of the national anthem. Boris bowed to the Queen and made his way down the steps, feeling very proud of himself and a lot calmer now that it was all over.
Queen Suzi cleared her throat, fluffed up her tail and began her welcome speech to her guests
“King Freddy and I are delighted to see you all here once again at this years Cat Pride. We sincerely hope that you will all have a simply wonderful day. Enjoy the food, enjoy the concert, and do try and take part in the many activities that have been prepared for you.
“I’d just like to add that you may admire the beautiful flowers that are growing in the Palace grounds but it’s strictly forbidden to pick any. Anyone caught doing so will be punished accordingly.”
And on that light note she ended her speech and sat down again awaiting the presentation of the bouquet.
As Bertie approached Queen Suzy with the bouquet of lavender he looked like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. He gave her a quick little bow and handed her the bouquet. In turn, she inclined her head a little, thanked him, and slowly lifted the catnip sprinkled lavender up to her nose and inhaled the fragrance, not once but three times! It didn’t take more than ten seconds for the catnip to take effect. She suddenly threw herself onto the floor and started rolling around from side-to-side purring loudly. As if that wasn’t enough, she then raised herself up onto her back paws and started chasing her tail round and round. She was quite oblivious to the screams of laughter from all the cats that delighted in finally seeing Queen Suzy lose her legendary cool and composure, without quite understanding why.
King Freddy decided that this was the perfect moment to reveal his little surprise. He stepped in front of Queen Suzi and slowly lifted his lop-sided crown off his head. All the cats fell silent as the King uncovered an enormous bright gold earring dangling from his left ear!
“We have to move with the times my friends”, he said. And with that, a new fashion was started on Cat Island.
The rest of the day flew past, as the cats watched the cabaret, listened to the cat’s chorus and participated in all the fun and games. Needless to say all the delicious food was gobbled up and now it was time to go home, but not before receiving the long awaited iced-mice. One by one the weary, but happy, cats strolled past the grand food table where Amber and Tilly were handing out the iced-mice that had been individually placed in turquoise shells to commemorate Cat Pride’s 125th anniversary.
Everyone agreed that it had been a wonderful day and that they were very lucky to live on Cat Island.
Back to the beginning
About the author
Helen Nyman is originally from Manchester, England, but moved to Rome, Italy, in 1970 where she discovered a world of abandoned street cats. She started taking care of a colony near her home, feeding them in the early morning. When possible, homes were found for the kittens; however, many ended up in her own home, especially the sick ones.
Her life has been enriched by this experience, and a lot of the personalities in the story are based on cats she has given a home to.
She hopes to carry on her relationship with the Roman cats for many more years to come, and gain more inspiration to keep writing about Cat Island and its inhabitants.
Our thanks to Ms. Nyman for graciously allowing us to use the first story about Cat Island on our site. Additional stories can be found on her blog.
All rights reserved. ©Helen Nyman 2007
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Cat talk
How to Communicate with Your Cat
Scientists have discovered that cats have developed an elaborate communication system with hundreds of vocalizations to tell humans what they want. They know that we are in charge, so it makes sense for the cat to learn to communicate vocally, and to make sure that we understand what they are saying. Cats can also learn to understand what we want them to do by our repetition of words or actions in a consistent manner. In this way, we are able to communicate with cats in a dialogue that takes time and effort to develop but is very rewarding for both.
Remember that vocalizing is generally not your cat's preferred mode of communication. A cat's "first language" consists of a complex system of scent, facial expression, complex body language, and touch whereas we humans communicate primarily through sound. Cats soon realize that we don't understand the non-verbal signals they send to each other, so they vocalize in an attempt to communicate in our language. By observing which sounds elicit which actions from us, a cat is always learning how to make requests (or demands).
Listen to your cat. If you watch what your cat is doing when it meows, you may learn to distinguish which meows are associated with which requests (or protests) and eventually know the difference between a "let me out" demand and a "give me food" demand by sound alone. Each cat is different and may have its own variations, but some common meows can include:
Short meow - standard greeting.
Multiple meows - excited greeting.
Mid-pitch meow - plea for something.
Drawn-out mrrroooow - a demand for something.
Low pitch MRRRooooowww - a complaint
High-pitch RRRROWW! - anger or pain.
Chatter (rapid teeth-chattering jaw movements) - excitement, frustration (e.g. when prey is out of reach or escapes)
Chirrup (Also called "chirring", a cross between a meow and a purr with rising inflection) - friendly greeting sound, often used by a mother cat to call to her kittens.
Purr - invites close contact or attention
Hiss - A serious sign of aggression.
Watch your cat. Since cats are more "fluent" in body language, certain gestures will accompany vocalizations to reinforce their message.
tail straight up or straight up with a curl at the end - happy
tail twitching - excited or anxious
slowly blinking eyes - affection, equivalent of "blowing a kiss"
Rubbing against you means they are marking you as their own
sustained eye contact is interpreted as being assertive or even aggressive and makes cats uncomfortable; slow blinking
communicates trust
wet nose "kiss" - an affectionate gesture when the cat taps its wet nose to you
ears back - alarmed or in a very playful mood, also used when sniffing something they want to know more about
rubbing head, flank and tail against a person or animal - greeting ritual
head-butting - friendliness, affection
face sniffing - confirming identity
ears back and flattened - fearful, anxious or VERY playful (be careful here)
licks you - this could be the ULTIMATE sign of affection. If your cat licks you, your cat may consider you to be a part of his/her family, like a mother cleaning her kittens. If you push your cat away when he/she licks you, they may feel hurt and confused. Your kitty loves you! Or this could mean you have something tasty on your hand!
Talk back. As mentioned earlier, cats are always learning how to communicate with us; the more we communicate with them, the faster they'll learn.[
Use a slightly raised tone of voice to indicate friendliness and a lowered tone of voice to indicate displeasure or aggression.
Repeat the same word, sleep or bed, each time you go to bed, and eventually your cat will begin to associate the repetitive word sound with your actions, and may even get to the bedroom before you.
Use the word shower consistently each time you are ready to take one, and eventually your cat may beat you to the bathroom and might even curl up in the sink to wait for you.
If you blink slowly when making eye contact with your cat, they will usually respond by coming over to be petted, as it is a very non-threatening gesture.
Be consistent. For example, a cat often "asks" before invading another's space and a common blunder many pet owners make is to say "no" but pet the cat at the same time. This is very confusing to the cat. Instead, a very quick "no" combined with gently but firmly pushing the cat away from you, without showing affection, will let the cat know that their presence is not desired at this time. Most cats will try 2-3 times to invade a person's space, often from different directions. Be patient when saying "no" to them.
You can also develop a "command tone" to use with your cat when they are doing something seriously wrong. Use a voice that comes naturally to you, that you can replicate easily, but that is also distinct from your everyday talking voice. If you use this voice sparingly, but seriously, then your cat will learn to associate the voice with the idea that they are being naughty.
Another easy "no" command that cats all understand is a quick, sharp, hiss or "spit" sound as is made by their own kind when they themselves say "no."
Tips
Treat your cat with love and respect and they will become a very happy and loving companion and friend. Talk to them softly and watch how they listen. They might respond with a meow or other sound.
With patience cats can be trained to respond to commands, much the same as dogs. You can even teach your cat to shake your hand.
Siamese & Maine Coon cats have been observed to be especially "talkative", while long-haired cats tend to be on the quieter side. But of course, there are always exceptions!
Warnings!!!!!!
This is not, by any means, a complete list of cat gestures and vocalizations. The feline communication system is surprisingly complex and extends beyond the scope of this article. Consult the sources below for more details, and always pay attention to your cat - every one is different.
Urinating, spraying and maddening (depositing feces in a prominent spot) are often a cat's attempt to mark territory that it feels is being threatened. It may also be an indication of urinary tract or bladder infection, or other serious health issue. If this is a problem, the cat may need to be treated, neutered or spayed, or separated from other cats. Consult your vet.
Urinating or defecating outside or near the litter box usually means the litter box needs cleaning. Clean the litter box on a regular basis.
Never yell at or physically discipline a cat. This only frightens and angers them, and is counterproductive.
Scientists have discovered that cats have developed an elaborate communication system with hundreds of vocalizations to tell humans what they want. They know that we are in charge, so it makes sense for the cat to learn to communicate vocally, and to make sure that we understand what they are saying. Cats can also learn to understand what we want them to do by our repetition of words or actions in a consistent manner. In this way, we are able to communicate with cats in a dialogue that takes time and effort to develop but is very rewarding for both.
Remember that vocalizing is generally not your cat's preferred mode of communication. A cat's "first language" consists of a complex system of scent, facial expression, complex body language, and touch whereas we humans communicate primarily through sound. Cats soon realize that we don't understand the non-verbal signals they send to each other, so they vocalize in an attempt to communicate in our language. By observing which sounds elicit which actions from us, a cat is always learning how to make requests (or demands).
Listen to your cat. If you watch what your cat is doing when it meows, you may learn to distinguish which meows are associated with which requests (or protests) and eventually know the difference between a "let me out" demand and a "give me food" demand by sound alone. Each cat is different and may have its own variations, but some common meows can include:
Short meow - standard greeting.
Multiple meows - excited greeting.
Mid-pitch meow - plea for something.
Drawn-out mrrroooow - a demand for something.
Low pitch MRRRooooowww - a complaint
High-pitch RRRROWW! - anger or pain.
Chatter (rapid teeth-chattering jaw movements) - excitement, frustration (e.g. when prey is out of reach or escapes)
Chirrup (Also called "chirring", a cross between a meow and a purr with rising inflection) - friendly greeting sound, often used by a mother cat to call to her kittens.
Purr - invites close contact or attention
Hiss - A serious sign of aggression.
Watch your cat. Since cats are more "fluent" in body language, certain gestures will accompany vocalizations to reinforce their message.
tail straight up or straight up with a curl at the end - happy
tail twitching - excited or anxious
slowly blinking eyes - affection, equivalent of "blowing a kiss"
Rubbing against you means they are marking you as their own
sustained eye contact is interpreted as being assertive or even aggressive and makes cats uncomfortable; slow blinking
communicates trust
wet nose "kiss" - an affectionate gesture when the cat taps its wet nose to you
ears back - alarmed or in a very playful mood, also used when sniffing something they want to know more about
rubbing head, flank and tail against a person or animal - greeting ritual
head-butting - friendliness, affection
face sniffing - confirming identity
ears back and flattened - fearful, anxious or VERY playful (be careful here)
licks you - this could be the ULTIMATE sign of affection. If your cat licks you, your cat may consider you to be a part of his/her family, like a mother cleaning her kittens. If you push your cat away when he/she licks you, they may feel hurt and confused. Your kitty loves you! Or this could mean you have something tasty on your hand!
Talk back. As mentioned earlier, cats are always learning how to communicate with us; the more we communicate with them, the faster they'll learn.[
Use a slightly raised tone of voice to indicate friendliness and a lowered tone of voice to indicate displeasure or aggression.
Repeat the same word, sleep or bed, each time you go to bed, and eventually your cat will begin to associate the repetitive word sound with your actions, and may even get to the bedroom before you.
Use the word shower consistently each time you are ready to take one, and eventually your cat may beat you to the bathroom and might even curl up in the sink to wait for you.
If you blink slowly when making eye contact with your cat, they will usually respond by coming over to be petted, as it is a very non-threatening gesture.
Be consistent. For example, a cat often "asks" before invading another's space and a common blunder many pet owners make is to say "no" but pet the cat at the same time. This is very confusing to the cat. Instead, a very quick "no" combined with gently but firmly pushing the cat away from you, without showing affection, will let the cat know that their presence is not desired at this time. Most cats will try 2-3 times to invade a person's space, often from different directions. Be patient when saying "no" to them.
You can also develop a "command tone" to use with your cat when they are doing something seriously wrong. Use a voice that comes naturally to you, that you can replicate easily, but that is also distinct from your everyday talking voice. If you use this voice sparingly, but seriously, then your cat will learn to associate the voice with the idea that they are being naughty.
Another easy "no" command that cats all understand is a quick, sharp, hiss or "spit" sound as is made by their own kind when they themselves say "no."
Tips
Treat your cat with love and respect and they will become a very happy and loving companion and friend. Talk to them softly and watch how they listen. They might respond with a meow or other sound.
With patience cats can be trained to respond to commands, much the same as dogs. You can even teach your cat to shake your hand.
Siamese & Maine Coon cats have been observed to be especially "talkative", while long-haired cats tend to be on the quieter side. But of course, there are always exceptions!
Warnings!!!!!!
This is not, by any means, a complete list of cat gestures and vocalizations. The feline communication system is surprisingly complex and extends beyond the scope of this article. Consult the sources below for more details, and always pay attention to your cat - every one is different.
Urinating, spraying and maddening (depositing feces in a prominent spot) are often a cat's attempt to mark territory that it feels is being threatened. It may also be an indication of urinary tract or bladder infection, or other serious health issue. If this is a problem, the cat may need to be treated, neutered or spayed, or separated from other cats. Consult your vet.
Urinating or defecating outside or near the litter box usually means the litter box needs cleaning. Clean the litter box on a regular basis.
Never yell at or physically discipline a cat. This only frightens and angers them, and is counterproductive.
Monday, May 18, 2009
My start of my book
THIS IS A JOKE BOOK
How To Train Your Human. First draft.
By: Sisani Felinus Smith
Intro
Hello all you cats, are you tired from your human not doing what you tell it to do. Then How to Train Your Human is for you! Learn the secrets of teaching your human do things like open the door mindlessly when you meow and how to make your human fetch toys for you! If you need to learn these tricks and more if you want to truly become your humans master. AMAZE your friends!
ASTOUND your peers!
Trick I: Teach your human to open doors on command.
Required: Be an indoor/outdoor cat
Have a human with a PO level of 6
First cuddle your owner and soften him/her up
With lots of purring and meowing, then act like you can’t use the restroom or litter box by walking around it and meowing with distress. Then walk to your most used door and meow even more urgently and walk back and forth. Your human will then quickly let you out with fear of constipation. You can instead of doing the litter thing you can pretend to have a hairball and also be let out. Do this repeatedly but make it less urgent each time, eventually your human will be so used to this that even when you are supposed to be kept out because of a stolen salmon just meow and your human will unconsciously open the door, then realize what he did. By then you will be hidden safely.
Trick II: Tech your human to fetch toys for you
Be a indoor cat
Have a human with a PO level of 7
Don’t be playful for most of the time before you attempt to start this trick. During any time in the day start to look playful when there is a toy on the other side of the room, but don’t rush towards it! Act like you want to play but hold your arm like its hurt. Your human should bring you the toy and then rub your head against your human, play with the toy, and show love towards your human. Continue doing this but change the reason why you can’t get the toy. Stop acting hurt but just meow! And when you human gives it to you give him LOTS of love and attention. Eventually your human will get the toy just because he wants your love. And there it is never have to get your own toys and make your human look like a dog.
How to make your human give you good meat
Required: Human with PO of 10
Be a meat eating cat
When it is mid day and your human will be home for a while go to your food bowl but don’t eat any just meow! Your human will then give you more food DO NOT EAT IT. Continue meowing and your human will try to give you canned food, lick it once only then continue meowing. Your human will be distressed now as soon as you see ANY picture of a wild animal meow! Like crazy your human will then maybe get meat if not go to the fridge and meow for human meat. You human should give you some steak or chicken eat it up fast and be full of love to your human he will be happy continue repeating this but less urgent each time just get used to the good food, but be careful don’t eat to much or you will get fat and your human will put you on a diet.
How To Train Your Human. First draft.
By: Sisani Felinus Smith
Intro
Hello all you cats, are you tired from your human not doing what you tell it to do. Then How to Train Your Human is for you! Learn the secrets of teaching your human do things like open the door mindlessly when you meow and how to make your human fetch toys for you! If you need to learn these tricks and more if you want to truly become your humans master. AMAZE your friends!
ASTOUND your peers!
Trick I: Teach your human to open doors on command.
Required: Be an indoor/outdoor cat
Have a human with a PO level of 6
First cuddle your owner and soften him/her up
With lots of purring and meowing, then act like you can’t use the restroom or litter box by walking around it and meowing with distress. Then walk to your most used door and meow even more urgently and walk back and forth. Your human will then quickly let you out with fear of constipation. You can instead of doing the litter thing you can pretend to have a hairball and also be let out. Do this repeatedly but make it less urgent each time, eventually your human will be so used to this that even when you are supposed to be kept out because of a stolen salmon just meow and your human will unconsciously open the door, then realize what he did. By then you will be hidden safely.
Trick II: Tech your human to fetch toys for you
Be a indoor cat
Have a human with a PO level of 7
Don’t be playful for most of the time before you attempt to start this trick. During any time in the day start to look playful when there is a toy on the other side of the room, but don’t rush towards it! Act like you want to play but hold your arm like its hurt. Your human should bring you the toy and then rub your head against your human, play with the toy, and show love towards your human. Continue doing this but change the reason why you can’t get the toy. Stop acting hurt but just meow! And when you human gives it to you give him LOTS of love and attention. Eventually your human will get the toy just because he wants your love. And there it is never have to get your own toys and make your human look like a dog.
How to make your human give you good meat
Required: Human with PO of 10
Be a meat eating cat
When it is mid day and your human will be home for a while go to your food bowl but don’t eat any just meow! Your human will then give you more food DO NOT EAT IT. Continue meowing and your human will try to give you canned food, lick it once only then continue meowing. Your human will be distressed now as soon as you see ANY picture of a wild animal meow! Like crazy your human will then maybe get meat if not go to the fridge and meow for human meat. You human should give you some steak or chicken eat it up fast and be full of love to your human he will be happy continue repeating this but less urgent each time just get used to the good food, but be careful don’t eat to much or you will get fat and your human will put you on a diet.
Fanfiction
Here are some stories
remember this is for fun ONLY
ONE
To Jim Qwilleran it has all seemed like a bad nightmare. From the sudden loss of his most important companion and friend (humanly speaking), to the equally stunning loss of his fair weather residence (a large converted apple barn), James Macintosh Qwilleran’s world was seemingly turned upside down.
It had started out like any other normal Moose County fall, a bit warmer than usual yes, but not one for ol' Weatherby's record books. The only truly odd occurrence was a local death by bee sting, the circumstances of which had caused a slight tingle in the salt and pepper moustache of the man the locals called Mr. Q. All in all though, it was fall, and fall was the time Qwilleran's fawn colored roommates, a pair of Siamese with an over abundance of personality, went a bit wacky watching leaves fall from their front row window seats and were driven positively mad as the local consortium of nut hiders went about their pre-winter preparations. And fall was the time to think about shutting up their spacious round barn, and beating a hasty retreat to the more manageable winter quarters, a nicely kitted out condo in Indian Village, before the lake effect snows started to pummel Pickax once again. Being so far North (400 miles North of everywhere as townsfolk would say!) often meant earlier than normal snows, even earlier than Jim had experienced in the cold Windy City down South. It had been a few years since ‘The Big One’ had last hit, and Qwilleran was not about to take any chances. It was during these moving and packing preparations that a conversation about Halloween trivia slowed him down.
"Joe, are you predicting an early snow for Moose County? Or just for Brrr?" Qwilleran asked.
Joe Bunker, known to most as Wetherby Goode the local weather man, replied, "Frost on the pumpkin for sure and you can quote me on that!"
"Hmmm...I'm not convinced," came the response to the impromptu long-range forecast. "A little frost I can handle. It's the mountains of snow of which I'm not so fond."
Joe went on, "Speaking of pumpkins, did you know that Halloween originated up here in the Northlands? Well, technically, you can trace it back to your plaid roots Qwill, but the tradition of trick-or-treating as the kiddies now practice it was given to us by a small town in Minnesota less than 50 years ago!"
Qwilleran filed that fact into his Qwill Pen future idea bank as one worthy of further investigation. "You don't say?"
"Yes, and it makes me have to ask. Why have you never had a Halloween party here in your big old barn? I mean, what better place could be found in all of Moose County for the bobbing of apples than in an old apple barn?"
“Humph!” Qwilleran blew through his large mustache. "I guess I haven't been too keen on hosting another large party after that fiasco with Koko. Besides, I'm not too sure either he nor YumYum would be too up on the idea of a dark dye job to dress up as black cats!"
Joe continued, "Well it bears some thought Jim. After all, you’ll be moving out soon and your cat friends can avoid the fur dye makeover by just choosing to be party poopers back at the condo. Besides, with them out of the way, it would be easier for decorating. Imagine what sort of theme our famous Miss Hixie could come up with and what she could do if she had the place to herself!"
Qwilleran gave Joe a stare. "Yes, I can only imagine."
TWO
Later the next day, the richest man in the upper Midwest made his way through the Pickax Market looking for deals. Actually he was looking for something new with which to tempt his cats. Lately Koko had been turning his nose up at the usual fare and Yum Yum more often than not didn’t turn up at all. “Cats!” he thought as he combed the shelves for some kind of feline feast.
"Margo, what do you have for a couple of brat cats? They seem to be off their feedbag lately."
Margo, who had just moved to Pickax that summer to take over the running of the family store from her older, now retired sister, came out from behind a display. "Hi Mr. Q! Didn't see you there. Are Koko and Yum Yum tired of my chopped chicken salad already? I thought you said they were mad about it, especially after I substituted salmon in place of the fowl."
"Well," came the response. "There’s no accounting for taste among the four-legged set. I wish they’d just eat normal cat food. It would make things so much easier. Then again, if someone were to tell me I should only have water and the same food everyday I might not be too happy. Still, other cats seem okay with that sort of arrangement. My cats are way too pampered. I’ve spoiled them over the years with people food. I could probably pin the blame on my old housekeeper, Mrs. Cobb, as she got me started on rich diets for Koko when we both still lived Down Below. How would it be if I brought in some of Mrs. Cobb's old recipes? Maybe you could help me figure out what a pampered cat might like?"
As Margo considered the idea another customer came in.
"Hi ya Mr. Q!" It was Junior Goodwinter. Junior was as involved in the community as Jim Qwilleran himself. From his work as managing editor at the Moose County Something (the local paper), to taking part in Pickax Theatre's productions, Junior seemed to have his hand in it all. He was a good natured man, young, and with plenty of boyish charms. Despite the loss of his father, that had managed to take some of the edge off of his happy-go-lucky personality, Junior remained irrepressible.
Qwilleran smiled and addressed the man. "What's the matter Junior? Run out of coffee at The Something?"
"Funny Mr. Q. No, I'm actually here to see you. I was walking over to the hardware store when I noticed you through the window."
"What's up Junior?"
"Well, our task master has given me the assignment to try to come up with some seasonal spreads. He wants them to be regional with some local tie-ins if possible. The idea is to cover some of the more well known fall festivals within a 100 mile radius as well as some lesser or unknown fall happenings. I guess with the peak of the fall colors less than two weeks away, he wants to run a Thursday through Sunday series on several pages as soon as possible."
Qwilleran looked up at Junior. "Is Riker trying to use the falling leaves to bring up the bottom line at the paper?"
Junior laughed. "Maybe so. But I was wondering if you would consider a bit of a road trip, or trips as the case may be, to go visit some of these events and report back what you find. We partly want to educate the readers on what‘s going on in the area as well as to inspire them to consider some more local possibilities. As you know, Moose County really doesn't have any sort of annual fall festival and maybe your field reports would spur on some movement among the citizens along these lines. What do you think?"
"How full of a spread are we talking about here Junior? Would I be the only contributing author? And what about photographs?"
"I've already got Bushy signed on for this project," Junior replied. John Bushland, known as Bushy despite his obvious lack of hair, was the area's most prominent photographer. "And we can get some help with the more localized events and places that people like to visit this time of year," Junior went on. "You will be our ‘man abroad’ so to speak, covering the goings-on in the more outlying areas."
"Tell Arch I'll think about it."
"He said you'd say that."
"He knows me well."
"I like the idea!" the storekeeper said as Junior left the market. "Fall is my favorite time of year! And I would really love to read about your discoveries!"
"I'm not signed up quite yet for the project," was Qwilleran's curb to her enthusiasm. "For now I must concentrate on saving my 'kids' from certain starvation. Any thoughts come to mind yet Margo?"
"Pre-cooked or are you willing to get out the apron and pots?"
"I am a bachelor, so let's please keep it simple," he said. And with that, he was supplied with some fully cooked stew beef, some frozen vegetables, and a can of broth. The cats would get some of the meat, and with the rest he would have a nice hot supper.
THREE
On his drive back, Jim made a quick stop at Pirate’s Chest to see his long-time girlfriend Polly Duncan, and to pick up something new to read. Pirate’s Chest was Pickax’s newest bookstore complete with guard cat or ‘Bibliocat,’ as Dundee, a beautiful male marmalade, was often called.
“Qwill, what a nice surprise!," Polly exclaimed.
“I'm full of surprises. You should know that by now. How are you Polly?”
“I'm fine, but a bit bushed from today’s battles!”
“Is the Pirate’s Chest under siege?”
Polly laughed. “Almost! We've been having a run on nature books, especially those dealing with the local fauna. Seems everyone is interested in learning more about the area's trees and plants now that the fall season is in full swing. This goes for both the local book buyers as well as those visiting from Down Below.”
‘Down Below’ was how the locals referred to the far flung areas South of Moose County. The fall season was of particular interest to tourists coming up to see the annual changing of the leaves. This part of the state was always a hot spot of tourism, with a hundred miles of lake and variety of Spring and Summertime events. Fall though was the last ‘hurrah,' so to speak, before the tourist dollars went away for the year. People from all parts brought their hiking shoes, cameras, and wallets to explore, capture, and purchase ‘all things fall.’ It was a big deal for the area, and with the warmer than normal temps, folks were turning out in droves.
“Polly, I'm in search of something new to read. What can you recommend?”
“Qwill dearest, by ‘new’ do you mean something written more recently or something that is new to you?”
“Well, I've never been put off by a publication date yet, be it old or new. However, I think I would enjoy something of a more recent vintage. What do you have in mind?”
Polly pointed him to the Recent Release section of the store and went back to selling leaf books to the vacationers. Qwill picked up this volume, and then that volume, carefully examining titles and dust jackets and backs for more details. He picked up one volume that was a collection of short stories all about train engines and thumbed through it. He read one of the stories and decided he knew all he needed to know about the subject and put it back. Another book was a pictorial guide to aquatic lake life. One book contained nothing but recipes for busy mothers. He paged through a work on rural Midwest art that included some barn-art that had some potential, but he returned it to the shelf when he realized most of it was about saw blade and mailbox painting. He just couldn't seem to get interested in anything. He looked at his watch and headed back to the main counter.
“No luck Polly."
“That’s too bad. Maybe if we talk a bit I can figure out something to recommend. What’s the latest at the paper? Do you have any upcoming Qwill Pen projects that deserve some advance research or inspiration?”
“I did run into Junior at the market before I came over here," Qwill answered. He then proceeded to fill her in on the possible extended writing assignment.
“That sounds wonderful Qwill! I think you should do it! And I think I have a reading suggestion for you. Why not pick up a larger city newspaper or two for some possible fall story related inspiration?"
He huffed a bit at the suggestion he would be in need of inspiration for his writing but decided that it might be good to catch up on the doings 400 miles below (generally) and of his old employer (specifically). “Didn’t you hear? Nature has been outlawed in the Big City. They cut down the last tree years ago to comply with the law. No trees no leaves, no leaves no fall celebrations.”
Polly looked at him with a bit of a smirk on her lips as she handed him the paper.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out the cost of a weekday edition of The Daily Fluxion and plunked it down on the counter as he took the paper. “Well, I have to run Polly. I have vegetables for supper melting out in my car.”
“You drove dear?”
“I was lazy.”
“Talk to you tonight!”
“Already looking forward to it!" he said in anticipation of their nightly call. And with parting pleasantries exchanged, Qwilleran made his way out, crossing a large doormat, which was less a ‘welcome’ and more a reminder to not let the cat out! A thought entered his mind that it might be a good thing that the bookstore didn't have automatic doors because he wasn't 100% sure the resident Bibliocat was completely literate! Besides, he chuckled to himself, most cats are not willing to follow verbal instructions much less written ones!
Back at the barn Qwill unpacked his purchases and cooked supper for himself and his two furry roommates.
“Okay kids," Jim announced, “Let’s go outside and enjoy the weather. OUT!”
Upon hearing the word “out” the cats began to dance and prance around, yowling and rowling in verbal ecstasy, tail tips twitching and whiskers bristling. He opened the door to their padded cat carrier and in they rushed - as always, competitive Koko first. On his way outdoors he eyed the newspaper he just bought and grabbed that too, figuring the cats would enjoy a good ‘read.’
Once outside and settled into the screened in gazebo, he announced, “Read!" He laughed out loud as he watched a confused Koko dashing back and forth, the male Siamese looking around for a bookshelf to jump up on to choose a book for the ‘read.’
“Sorry old boy. Not trying to trick you. I've already selected tonight’s reading. You should be interested – this is news from back home, or what used to be our home.”
Koko looked up at him and blinked. Yum Yum yawned. Undeterred their owner opened and spread out the pages of the Fluxion on his lap. He read aloud for a while, hypnotizing the cats. His reading voice always had this effect on them. It didn't matter if he was reading an intense story about some international devastation caused by a flood or earthquake, or a scandal about big government graft and corruption, or the sale ad from the Yarn Outlet.
In the distance thunder was heard and lights began to flash on the horizon.
“Here’s one: ‘Super Max Prison Stops Attempted Escape.' ‘The Treator Maximum Security Prison had yet another escape attempt on Tuesday night. This is the third attempted escape in the last two months. Prison officials have assured the public that all possible steps are being taken to prevent any escapes and to stop further attempts.’"
“Hmmm ... They don’t really give much information here Koko. I guess investigative reporting is going the way of the incandescent light bulb! No details, no attempt times listed, nothing about how they were caught. And no information if it was even a ‘they’ or a ‘him.' I don’t read any mention of names anywhere in this article! What is the journalistic world coming to my friend?”
But as Koko opened his mouth to reply, “BOOM!” came the answer from overhead. The cats almost hit the gazebo roof as they jumped.
"Let’s go!" Qwilleran yelled as he grabbed up the cats and pushed them into the carrier along with the paper.
He reached the barn as the first heavy drops of rain began to fall.
remember this is for fun ONLY
ONE
To Jim Qwilleran it has all seemed like a bad nightmare. From the sudden loss of his most important companion and friend (humanly speaking), to the equally stunning loss of his fair weather residence (a large converted apple barn), James Macintosh Qwilleran’s world was seemingly turned upside down.
It had started out like any other normal Moose County fall, a bit warmer than usual yes, but not one for ol' Weatherby's record books. The only truly odd occurrence was a local death by bee sting, the circumstances of which had caused a slight tingle in the salt and pepper moustache of the man the locals called Mr. Q. All in all though, it was fall, and fall was the time Qwilleran's fawn colored roommates, a pair of Siamese with an over abundance of personality, went a bit wacky watching leaves fall from their front row window seats and were driven positively mad as the local consortium of nut hiders went about their pre-winter preparations. And fall was the time to think about shutting up their spacious round barn, and beating a hasty retreat to the more manageable winter quarters, a nicely kitted out condo in Indian Village, before the lake effect snows started to pummel Pickax once again. Being so far North (400 miles North of everywhere as townsfolk would say!) often meant earlier than normal snows, even earlier than Jim had experienced in the cold Windy City down South. It had been a few years since ‘The Big One’ had last hit, and Qwilleran was not about to take any chances. It was during these moving and packing preparations that a conversation about Halloween trivia slowed him down.
"Joe, are you predicting an early snow for Moose County? Or just for Brrr?" Qwilleran asked.
Joe Bunker, known to most as Wetherby Goode the local weather man, replied, "Frost on the pumpkin for sure and you can quote me on that!"
"Hmmm...I'm not convinced," came the response to the impromptu long-range forecast. "A little frost I can handle. It's the mountains of snow of which I'm not so fond."
Joe went on, "Speaking of pumpkins, did you know that Halloween originated up here in the Northlands? Well, technically, you can trace it back to your plaid roots Qwill, but the tradition of trick-or-treating as the kiddies now practice it was given to us by a small town in Minnesota less than 50 years ago!"
Qwilleran filed that fact into his Qwill Pen future idea bank as one worthy of further investigation. "You don't say?"
"Yes, and it makes me have to ask. Why have you never had a Halloween party here in your big old barn? I mean, what better place could be found in all of Moose County for the bobbing of apples than in an old apple barn?"
“Humph!” Qwilleran blew through his large mustache. "I guess I haven't been too keen on hosting another large party after that fiasco with Koko. Besides, I'm not too sure either he nor YumYum would be too up on the idea of a dark dye job to dress up as black cats!"
Joe continued, "Well it bears some thought Jim. After all, you’ll be moving out soon and your cat friends can avoid the fur dye makeover by just choosing to be party poopers back at the condo. Besides, with them out of the way, it would be easier for decorating. Imagine what sort of theme our famous Miss Hixie could come up with and what she could do if she had the place to herself!"
Qwilleran gave Joe a stare. "Yes, I can only imagine."
TWO
Later the next day, the richest man in the upper Midwest made his way through the Pickax Market looking for deals. Actually he was looking for something new with which to tempt his cats. Lately Koko had been turning his nose up at the usual fare and Yum Yum more often than not didn’t turn up at all. “Cats!” he thought as he combed the shelves for some kind of feline feast.
"Margo, what do you have for a couple of brat cats? They seem to be off their feedbag lately."
Margo, who had just moved to Pickax that summer to take over the running of the family store from her older, now retired sister, came out from behind a display. "Hi Mr. Q! Didn't see you there. Are Koko and Yum Yum tired of my chopped chicken salad already? I thought you said they were mad about it, especially after I substituted salmon in place of the fowl."
"Well," came the response. "There’s no accounting for taste among the four-legged set. I wish they’d just eat normal cat food. It would make things so much easier. Then again, if someone were to tell me I should only have water and the same food everyday I might not be too happy. Still, other cats seem okay with that sort of arrangement. My cats are way too pampered. I’ve spoiled them over the years with people food. I could probably pin the blame on my old housekeeper, Mrs. Cobb, as she got me started on rich diets for Koko when we both still lived Down Below. How would it be if I brought in some of Mrs. Cobb's old recipes? Maybe you could help me figure out what a pampered cat might like?"
As Margo considered the idea another customer came in.
"Hi ya Mr. Q!" It was Junior Goodwinter. Junior was as involved in the community as Jim Qwilleran himself. From his work as managing editor at the Moose County Something (the local paper), to taking part in Pickax Theatre's productions, Junior seemed to have his hand in it all. He was a good natured man, young, and with plenty of boyish charms. Despite the loss of his father, that had managed to take some of the edge off of his happy-go-lucky personality, Junior remained irrepressible.
Qwilleran smiled and addressed the man. "What's the matter Junior? Run out of coffee at The Something?"
"Funny Mr. Q. No, I'm actually here to see you. I was walking over to the hardware store when I noticed you through the window."
"What's up Junior?"
"Well, our task master has given me the assignment to try to come up with some seasonal spreads. He wants them to be regional with some local tie-ins if possible. The idea is to cover some of the more well known fall festivals within a 100 mile radius as well as some lesser or unknown fall happenings. I guess with the peak of the fall colors less than two weeks away, he wants to run a Thursday through Sunday series on several pages as soon as possible."
Qwilleran looked up at Junior. "Is Riker trying to use the falling leaves to bring up the bottom line at the paper?"
Junior laughed. "Maybe so. But I was wondering if you would consider a bit of a road trip, or trips as the case may be, to go visit some of these events and report back what you find. We partly want to educate the readers on what‘s going on in the area as well as to inspire them to consider some more local possibilities. As you know, Moose County really doesn't have any sort of annual fall festival and maybe your field reports would spur on some movement among the citizens along these lines. What do you think?"
"How full of a spread are we talking about here Junior? Would I be the only contributing author? And what about photographs?"
"I've already got Bushy signed on for this project," Junior replied. John Bushland, known as Bushy despite his obvious lack of hair, was the area's most prominent photographer. "And we can get some help with the more localized events and places that people like to visit this time of year," Junior went on. "You will be our ‘man abroad’ so to speak, covering the goings-on in the more outlying areas."
"Tell Arch I'll think about it."
"He said you'd say that."
"He knows me well."
"I like the idea!" the storekeeper said as Junior left the market. "Fall is my favorite time of year! And I would really love to read about your discoveries!"
"I'm not signed up quite yet for the project," was Qwilleran's curb to her enthusiasm. "For now I must concentrate on saving my 'kids' from certain starvation. Any thoughts come to mind yet Margo?"
"Pre-cooked or are you willing to get out the apron and pots?"
"I am a bachelor, so let's please keep it simple," he said. And with that, he was supplied with some fully cooked stew beef, some frozen vegetables, and a can of broth. The cats would get some of the meat, and with the rest he would have a nice hot supper.
THREE
On his drive back, Jim made a quick stop at Pirate’s Chest to see his long-time girlfriend Polly Duncan, and to pick up something new to read. Pirate’s Chest was Pickax’s newest bookstore complete with guard cat or ‘Bibliocat,’ as Dundee, a beautiful male marmalade, was often called.
“Qwill, what a nice surprise!," Polly exclaimed.
“I'm full of surprises. You should know that by now. How are you Polly?”
“I'm fine, but a bit bushed from today’s battles!”
“Is the Pirate’s Chest under siege?”
Polly laughed. “Almost! We've been having a run on nature books, especially those dealing with the local fauna. Seems everyone is interested in learning more about the area's trees and plants now that the fall season is in full swing. This goes for both the local book buyers as well as those visiting from Down Below.”
‘Down Below’ was how the locals referred to the far flung areas South of Moose County. The fall season was of particular interest to tourists coming up to see the annual changing of the leaves. This part of the state was always a hot spot of tourism, with a hundred miles of lake and variety of Spring and Summertime events. Fall though was the last ‘hurrah,' so to speak, before the tourist dollars went away for the year. People from all parts brought their hiking shoes, cameras, and wallets to explore, capture, and purchase ‘all things fall.’ It was a big deal for the area, and with the warmer than normal temps, folks were turning out in droves.
“Polly, I'm in search of something new to read. What can you recommend?”
“Qwill dearest, by ‘new’ do you mean something written more recently or something that is new to you?”
“Well, I've never been put off by a publication date yet, be it old or new. However, I think I would enjoy something of a more recent vintage. What do you have in mind?”
Polly pointed him to the Recent Release section of the store and went back to selling leaf books to the vacationers. Qwill picked up this volume, and then that volume, carefully examining titles and dust jackets and backs for more details. He picked up one volume that was a collection of short stories all about train engines and thumbed through it. He read one of the stories and decided he knew all he needed to know about the subject and put it back. Another book was a pictorial guide to aquatic lake life. One book contained nothing but recipes for busy mothers. He paged through a work on rural Midwest art that included some barn-art that had some potential, but he returned it to the shelf when he realized most of it was about saw blade and mailbox painting. He just couldn't seem to get interested in anything. He looked at his watch and headed back to the main counter.
“No luck Polly."
“That’s too bad. Maybe if we talk a bit I can figure out something to recommend. What’s the latest at the paper? Do you have any upcoming Qwill Pen projects that deserve some advance research or inspiration?”
“I did run into Junior at the market before I came over here," Qwill answered. He then proceeded to fill her in on the possible extended writing assignment.
“That sounds wonderful Qwill! I think you should do it! And I think I have a reading suggestion for you. Why not pick up a larger city newspaper or two for some possible fall story related inspiration?"
He huffed a bit at the suggestion he would be in need of inspiration for his writing but decided that it might be good to catch up on the doings 400 miles below (generally) and of his old employer (specifically). “Didn’t you hear? Nature has been outlawed in the Big City. They cut down the last tree years ago to comply with the law. No trees no leaves, no leaves no fall celebrations.”
Polly looked at him with a bit of a smirk on her lips as she handed him the paper.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out the cost of a weekday edition of The Daily Fluxion and plunked it down on the counter as he took the paper. “Well, I have to run Polly. I have vegetables for supper melting out in my car.”
“You drove dear?”
“I was lazy.”
“Talk to you tonight!”
“Already looking forward to it!" he said in anticipation of their nightly call. And with parting pleasantries exchanged, Qwilleran made his way out, crossing a large doormat, which was less a ‘welcome’ and more a reminder to not let the cat out! A thought entered his mind that it might be a good thing that the bookstore didn't have automatic doors because he wasn't 100% sure the resident Bibliocat was completely literate! Besides, he chuckled to himself, most cats are not willing to follow verbal instructions much less written ones!
Back at the barn Qwill unpacked his purchases and cooked supper for himself and his two furry roommates.
“Okay kids," Jim announced, “Let’s go outside and enjoy the weather. OUT!”
Upon hearing the word “out” the cats began to dance and prance around, yowling and rowling in verbal ecstasy, tail tips twitching and whiskers bristling. He opened the door to their padded cat carrier and in they rushed - as always, competitive Koko first. On his way outdoors he eyed the newspaper he just bought and grabbed that too, figuring the cats would enjoy a good ‘read.’
Once outside and settled into the screened in gazebo, he announced, “Read!" He laughed out loud as he watched a confused Koko dashing back and forth, the male Siamese looking around for a bookshelf to jump up on to choose a book for the ‘read.’
“Sorry old boy. Not trying to trick you. I've already selected tonight’s reading. You should be interested – this is news from back home, or what used to be our home.”
Koko looked up at him and blinked. Yum Yum yawned. Undeterred their owner opened and spread out the pages of the Fluxion on his lap. He read aloud for a while, hypnotizing the cats. His reading voice always had this effect on them. It didn't matter if he was reading an intense story about some international devastation caused by a flood or earthquake, or a scandal about big government graft and corruption, or the sale ad from the Yarn Outlet.
In the distance thunder was heard and lights began to flash on the horizon.
“Here’s one: ‘Super Max Prison Stops Attempted Escape.' ‘The Treator Maximum Security Prison had yet another escape attempt on Tuesday night. This is the third attempted escape in the last two months. Prison officials have assured the public that all possible steps are being taken to prevent any escapes and to stop further attempts.’"
“Hmmm ... They don’t really give much information here Koko. I guess investigative reporting is going the way of the incandescent light bulb! No details, no attempt times listed, nothing about how they were caught. And no information if it was even a ‘they’ or a ‘him.' I don’t read any mention of names anywhere in this article! What is the journalistic world coming to my friend?”
But as Koko opened his mouth to reply, “BOOM!” came the answer from overhead. The cats almost hit the gazebo roof as they jumped.
"Let’s go!" Qwilleran yelled as he grabbed up the cats and pushed them into the carrier along with the paper.
He reached the barn as the first heavy drops of rain began to fall.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Were back. :)
We are back in buisness YAY.
HERE IS AN email address if you would like to learn from the kitty wisdom.
sisanicat@ymail.com
I am working on a new fiction story fans will be able to get it here free!!!
Go to obeythekitty.blogspot.com for cat world domination.
here is an ICHC for you troubles.
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
HERE IS AN email address if you would like to learn from the kitty wisdom.
sisanicat@ymail.com
I am working on a new fiction story fans will be able to get it here free!!!
Go to obeythekitty.blogspot.com for cat world domination.
here is an ICHC for you troubles.
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
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