My start of my book

THIS IS A JOKE BOOK
How To Train Your Human. First draft.
By: Sisani Felinus Smith

Intro
Hello all you cats, are you tired from your human not doing what you tell it to do. Then How to Train Your Human is for you! Learn the secrets of teaching your human do things like open the door mindlessly when you meow and how to make your human fetch toys for you! If you need to learn these tricks and more if you want to truly become your humans master. AMAZE your friends!
ASTOUND your peers!

Trick I: Teach your human to open doors on command.
Required: Be an indoor/outdoor cat
Have a human with a PO level of 6

First cuddle your owner and soften him/her up
With lots of purring and meowing, then act like you can’t use the restroom or litter box by walking around it and meowing with distress. Then walk to your most used door and meow even more urgently and walk back and forth. Your human will then quickly let you out with fear of constipation. You can instead of doing the litter thing you can pretend to have a hairball and also be let out. Do this repeatedly but make it less urgent each time, eventually your human will be so used to this that even when you are supposed to be kept out because of a stolen salmon just meow and your human will unconsciously open the door, then realize what he did. By then you will be hidden safely.

Trick II: Tech your human to fetch toys for you
Be a indoor cat
Have a human with a PO level of 7

Don’t be playful for most of the time before you attempt to start this trick. During any time in the day start to look playful when there is a toy on the other side of the room, but don’t rush towards it! Act like you want to play but hold your arm like its hurt. Your human should bring you the toy and then rub your head against your human, play with the toy, and show love towards your human. Continue doing this but change the reason why you can’t get the toy. Stop acting hurt but just meow! And when you human gives it to you give him LOTS of love and attention. Eventually your human will get the toy just because he wants your love. And there it is never have to get your own toys and make your human look like a dog.

How to make your human give you good meat
Required: Human with PO of 10
Be a meat eating cat

When it is mid day and your human will be home for a while go to your food bowl but don’t eat any just meow! Your human will then give you more food DO NOT EAT IT. Continue meowing and your human will try to give you canned food, lick it once only then continue meowing. Your human will be distressed now as soon as you see ANY picture of a wild animal meow! Like crazy your human will then maybe get meat if not go to the fridge and meow for human meat. You human should give you some steak or chicken eat it up fast and be full of love to your human he will be happy continue repeating this but less urgent each time just get used to the good food, but be careful don’t eat to much or you will get fat and your human will put you on a diet.